Nupur.....

Purple Haze..!

2009-10-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

One day I was sitting in my hostel room, alone, when all of a sudden everything went hazy and I started hearing voices. I could hear someone screaming, it seemed to me that someone was shouting at me. I was trying to calm down, to regain my composure. But the harder I tried the more it grew on me, penetrating my senses until I was aware of nothing else. Conversations, some of it sounded very familiar filled the vacuum which was my senses now. I tried to shut it all out, failed, tried again, failed, tried again until all of a sudden it all stopped. I was shaken but confused by what had just happened. It was not the voices that scared me but the condition it had left me in. I was not in my normal state. Everything was moving fast; everything was running away; I was running away. I could not stop it for I did not know how to. I was overpowered by an urge to cry but tears won’t come. This ghastly and utterly maddening sensation had left me motionless. Although the sensation was over in about 10 min yet the feeling invoked by it was still with in me and so were the voices. The feeling was somehow strangely familiar. It was then that I realized that it was not the first time I had experienced this phenomenon. As a kid I had gone through the same experience, at times. But then it had happened in a completely different manner and usually when I had been asleep. I used to have nightmares which would wake me up suddenly and then I would cry in my mother’s lap. Now there was no mother to calm me down, no tears that rolled down my cheeks. Just a piece of paper with grass rolled up in it, which helped me calm my nerves and take me to a world that was not mine and could never be.

Something I wrote when I was in school, something which is very true..!

2009-06-19T21:34:00.001-07:00

I was born,I was cared,I was loved and I was given all I could ask for.
But, I always cried seeking more.
I fought back--'for justice' which was not meant to be mine.
I still did not understand the mistakes I had made.
I moved with the trend to seek the happiness.
But, I was not aware what I was building was sadness,
immense sadness for someone.
And today when I still am doing it
i hate my self..!

This is when i was in school..but the bad part is I am still the same..making mistakes, crying over thm and thn repeating thm..! But this is how i am..rather how i hv become..one can never make up for their mistakes..mistakes which become habit..when u start, surely ur conscious stops u but when u do thm repeatedly u learn to make xcuses..xcuses which help u feel better in front of ur parents, ur frnds nd most importantly ur OWN-SELF...

Greatest obstacle to happiness is to expect to much of it..!

2009-04-11T11:32:00.000-07:00

O God!
Where am I standing?
It’s not where I want to be
Give me a place where no soul finds me
I do not belong here---
among these creepy, selfish, pampered fools.
I want to be loved just once
even for my mistakes.
I want to be taken care of
even by my mother.
I want to cry my heart out
even if I lose everything.
I want to taste happiness
which is far away-- calling me!

Not for U!!

2009-04-11T11:26:00.000-07:00

I am made up of joy
Not for U to turn it into tears!

I am made up of dreams
Not for U to turn them into nightmares!

I am made up of strength
Not for U to break it over!

I am made up of love
Not for U to turn it into hatred!!

"Come back my angel"

2009-03-22T03:08:00.000-07:00

Never had you shown that love
Never had you cared enough
Oh my God!
How could I trust you
How could I love you
What has gotten over me?
Why cannot I move on?
Perhaps your promises or
perhaps the promise
I made
to wait for u...

"Will you be with me?"

2009-03-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

Life, I've learnt is not a fairy tale
Life, I've learnt is a scary test.
Will you be with me?
I want to share with you my sorrows
as happiness I know can be
shared with everyone.
I want to show you my life
Will you be with me?
I want to be what I am
I' am tired of faking things around,
I need you.
Will you be with me?
Life is never sure of what it will give
One thing but I wanna make sure is...

Will you be with me??

"Its not what it seems to be"

2009-03-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

--Its not what it seems to be....

It seemed so beautiful
I thought it was mine
But I did not know
my mistakes would
bother you so much.
I never knew
you would not care.
Life taught me
all the lessons
I dint want to learn,
and one of them
was losing you.

[I think its never what it seems to be]